The Home According to the Bible
Glenn B. Ramsey

Genuine happiness results when Christian principles are applied. This is true when considering home relationships. It has been said that more books have been written concerning the home and home relationships than any other subject. But there is one book that is far superior to all books of human origin. That book is the Bible. The books of men perish. But though "heaven and earth shall pass away, my words shall not pass away" (Matt. 24:35). Indeed, if man lives happily he must "not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God" (Matt. 4:4).

Since God designed the home we should look to His "manual of operation" for the home—the Bible!

The wisdom of God deemed the need of a companion for man (Gen. 2:18). When Adam saw the animal kingdom with the male and female together, he would see the need of a "complement" to himself. So God created the woman and it was said, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" (Gen. 2:24).

Children are to be the production of love, not lust. Children deserve to be reared in an environment of loving respect. Timothy was told, "I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully" (I Tim. 5:14). It is noted that the "bearing of children" was to follow the marriage. According to Titus 2:4 and Ephesians 6:1-3, parents are to love their children and children are to honor their parents.

The Bible carefully instructs each member of the home concerning responsibility and behavior toward other family members. The husbands are to "love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it" (Eph. 5:25). This is a sacrificial love (v. 25), a purifying love (vv. 25-26), an unbreakable and caring love (v. 31). The husband (father) is to bring the children up "in the nurture and admonition of the Lord" (Eph. 6:4).

A wife is to love her husband (Titus 2:4). She is to submit to him (arrange her affairs under his leadership, Col. 3:18). She is to respect him (Eph. 5:33). The instruction of Paul to the wife is quite clear: "to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed" (Titus 2:5).

Children, in the Bible home, are to respect, obey and honor their parents. This is the first command with promise (see Eph. 6:1-3 and Col. 3:20). Disobedience to parents is one of the dark sins listed in Romans 1:30 and II Timothy 3:2.

When people follow the "manual of instruction" for the home—the Bible, then:
In a world of strife there will be peace.
In a world of hate there will be love.
In a world of doubt and fear there will be trust.

Editorial
Malcolm L. Hill

Never in modern times has the home been threatened more than now. Holy wedlock is being scoffed at on every hand. Many do not think it so bad to live together without being married. People who live pure lives in marriage seem to be old-fashioned and the going thing is to cheat if you wish. I am not saying that people have never gone astray in various ways at times for we all realize this. My point is that many men and women have made up their minds to live and die in sin; they have made up their minds to live as they please and do as they please. All about us homes seem to be crumbling. This is because men have rejected God and turned to their own way.

Many false views have been presented about marriage. I want to mention some of them.

1. The only way for one to remarry is death of the spouse.
2. One can remarry if spouse deserts the family.
3. Both parties can remarry with God's approval if fornication is involved.
4. God's law of remarriage does not apply to non-Christians
5. People are not married unless they have marital relations after the ceremony.
6. One can put away his spouse if lazy, hard to get along with, a drunkard, etc.
7. Never were married if did not love each other at the time of marriage.
8. Can put away spouse if no longer love him.
9. Cannot restore original family if the spouse has been put away.
10. Homosexuality is not grounds for divorce and remarriage.
11. One must marry a Christian or the marriage is not scriptural.
12. A widow must marry a Christian only.
13. Polygamy is scriptural.
14. Some church leaders cannot and must never marry (I Tim. 4:1-4).
15. One can divorce and remarry for any cause.
16. Matthew 19:1-9 does not apply to Christians married to non-Christians.
17. One who has a marriage partner who has withheld himself/herself can divorce and remarry.
18. If the non-believer dissolves the marriage agreement, then the believer is free to marry again.
19. You cannot unscramble scrambled eggs, thus we cannot unscramble marriages. It is impossible to understand some marriages, so just let those go on and live together.
20. God forbids the breaking up of families that have children.
21. Baptism washes all sins away and this sanctifies the adultery.
22. One can divorce and remarry if his spouse is unable to engage in the marriage relationship.
23. Adultery is not a sexual sin but merely covenant breaking.
24. There is no such thing as living in adultery. Adultery is an act and not a continued way of life.
25. Matthew 19:9 is a part of the Old Testament and not a part of the New Testament.
26. Alien sinners cannot be married. They may live together but they are never married. Marriage is for Christians.
27. Defraud is the same thing as fornication and therefore one can put away his spouse and remarry.
28. Matthew 19:9 is not an Old Testament passage and it is not a New Testament passage. It is somewhere in between.
29. Fornication is committed before marriage, therefore, there is no reason that one can put away his mate after marriage.
30. The first time one has sex he is married regardless of any law or ceremony.
31. If a man will do the best he can the grace of God will take care of him in an unscriptural marriage.
32. If one does not know he is in adultery, then God will save him.
33. One can remarry if the wedding has been annulled.
34. Marriages that have not met the requirements of civil law must be continued in.
35. Civil government has nothing to do with marriage.
36. Divorce is all right as long as there is no remarriage.
37. People can live together until the civil law requirements are met or the time has been fulfilled for the common law contract for marriage—pre-common law marriage.
38. Marriage must be performed by an official in the church.

There are other false views about marriage, I am sure, but this shows that man has made up many things in order to get around God's plan for marriage. God intends for a man and woman to stay together for life (Matt. 19:4-5). The only reason to put away a wife (or husband) and marry again is fornication (Matt. 19:9). All other reasons are false no matter how many or who supports them. Circumstances sometimes enter the picture when it comes to families. Children are often innocently involved and become victims of circumstance. It is often the case that the innocent have to suffer as well as the guilty. But truth is truth, and right is right, and God's will must be followed in all things for one to be accepted with Him. Sometimes people say, "God is cruel if he separates families." No, God is not cruel for separating families; man is cruel when he separates himself from God. The trouble is brought on by man rejecting God, not by God rejecting man. God's plan for man is perfect and it will bring about peace and a wonderful life when followed. Nothing but misery and heartache is in the path of those who refuse God's plan and this certainly applies to the home.

Some years ago I heard about a preacher who was asked about marriage and remarriage. He told the lady that he had nine different doctrines about remarriage and that he would present them all and she could take her choice. Well, we know one thing, he had at least eight false doctrines about remarriage and I, without fear, am willing to prophesy that the ninth was false. Let us teach constantly and boldly the Bible doctrine about the home and marriage. Let us expose those false teachers who refuse to repent of their false doctrine about marriage. One who is so profane that he would cause men and women to enter into and continue in an adulterous relationship, thus causing them to lose their souls, is certainly not too good to be rebuked openly and before all (I Tim. 5:20).

Enemies of the Home
Kerry Duke

Satan is the enemy of the home. His weapon is sin. He understands the importance of the home in God's plan for man and is intent on destroying it. The sins he uses to this end are numerous, but they all share one point in common—selfishness.

The home is designed to teach us to give. A woman gives up some of her freedom to become a man's wife as she submits to his headship (I Pet. 3:1-7). A man gives up some of his free time and pleasures to devote his attention to his wife (Deut. 24:5; I Cor. 7:33). As a married man, he should be willing to give his own life for her (Eph. 5:25-28). Both of them must sacrifice for their children, "for the children ought not to lay up for the parents, but the parents for the children" (II Cor. 12:14). They often must put the welfare of the children before their personal interests and pleasures. The children must be givers also. They are to give honor, respect, and obedience to their parents (Eph. 6:1-3). This honor does not end when children leave their parents to begin another home (I Tim. 5:1-16). Children must also learn to be considerate of brothers and sisters, and this apsect of giving is critical in forming lifelong character. A home is a place for giving, and without it a home is the playground of Satan.

To measure the damage selfishness inflicts on the home, consider the sin of greed. Misery abounds in a home where the major goal in life is to make money. "He that is greedy of gain troubleth his own house" (Prov. 15:27). This greed manifests itself in various forms, but its destructive effects are always the same. The husband may be a gambler or a workaholic. The wife may be vain and materially minded. The children may be spoiled in an obsession to have things. When this mindset is present, peace and happiness are lost. Selfish people are unhappy, and they cause unhappiness in others. The love of things destroys love for people. It also undermines love for God. "If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him" (I John 2:15b). Materialism crushes spirituality. Jesus said that "the care of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, choke the word" (Matt. 13:22). Homes should be filled with Bible reading and prayer, not continual talk about how to make as much money as possible.

Adultery is pure selfishness and has wrecked millions of homes. An adulterer does not care about the hurt he brings to his wife and children. He only cares about his selfish, carnal desires. A woman who leaves her husband for another man because she just wanted to be "happy" is a selfish wife who cares more about her own pleasures than the peace and security of her children. And somehow such people often convince themselves that they are justified in their sin. They are blinded by their own selfishness. They care only about satisfying their carnal desires. But God will not be mocked (Gal. 6:7-8). The brief pleasures of fornication will bring heartache in this life and the fires of hell in the one to come. "Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge" (Heb. 13:4). Contrary to worldly thinking, commitment to marriage vows and duties to children outweigh personal satisfaction in marriage.

Alcohol has wrecked millions of families. And what is drinking but selfishness? A drinker wants his alcohol. He likes the high it gives him. He craves the feeling of freedom and confidence it brings. He enjoys the release it gives him from the burdens and responsibilities of life. He wants these feelings because they please him. But he is too selfish to consider what his drinking does to his wife and children. His bottle is his first love, and the pleasure it brings is his god. A drinker sins against God with his drinking (Prov. 20:1; 23:29-35; I Pet. 4:3). He also sins against his family, robbing them of peace and joy and showing them what a selfish man he is. He may love them in other ways, but he will never truly love them until he gives up his selfish desire for alcohol.

How many other sins destroy the home? Their number is enormous, but underlying them all is selfishness. Unscriptural divorce is selfishness. Abortion is selfishness. Hatefulness is selfishness. Disobedience in children is selfishness. The feminist movement is a selfish movement. Pornography is selfishness. Child abuse and neglect are selfishness. Like all other sins, they occur when a man is "drawn away of his own lust" (James 1:14).

We are born into homes as receivers. In infancy we depend upon others to be givers to us. But we must learn to be givers. Without an atmosphere of giving, our homes will never have true peace and joy. If we have genuine Bible love, giving will come naturally.

Charity does not simply begin in the home. In a very real way it is the essence of it.

Leading Errors on Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage
Holger Neubauer

The effects of the many false doctrines both tolerated and promulgated concerning the issue of marriage, divorce and remarriage have wreaked havoc in the church during the last generation. Hardly a congregation in our great brotherhood has not been troubled by those upholding false and fatal error on the marriage question. As the divorce rate has skyrocketed in our nation since World War II, the number of couples who live in adultery has also filled many congregations. Elderships must be vigilant for the truth and error must be exposed to halt this nefarious movement.

One of the leading errors being promoted on the marriage question suggests that non-Christians are not amenable to God's marriage laws. This view holds that as long as couples marry, divorce, and remarry before they become Christians, regardless of the cause of the prior divorces, those same couples need not be concerned about their marital state before God because God's law was not written to them in the first place. This affirmation is not true. If God's law on marriage does not apply to the non-Christian, then no laws of God apply to the non-Christian. No one then could be guilty of sin for sin is the "transgression of the law" (I John 3:4). How is it that all have sinned (Rom. 3:23) if the non-Christian is not amenable to God's law? The truth of the matter is that God's law applies to every accountable individual. Even the ex-slave Onesimus was held accountable for his actions prior to becoming a Christian (Philemon 16-18). This view would permit a young man, raised by Christian parents and considering the options, to marry, divorce and remarry five or six times and then, after sowing his wild oats, be baptized. According to this errant view, this young man could stay married to his last wife since everything he did before he became a Christian was not held to his account. This view is untenable and ought to be considered ejecta by the faithful of God.

Another leading error in the marriage is the doctrine that believes the guilty party of Matthew 19:9 and Matthew 5:32 is free to remarry. This position contends that adultery is only a sin of a married person and if one is divorced for fornication the marriage bond is broken and consequently a remarriage on the part of the guilty party could not possibly be adultery. However, like the betrothal period of the Old Testament, one guilty of fornication was stoned (the penalty of adultery, Deut. 22:23-24) because of the prospective marriage, so Jesus called the remarried guilty party an adulterer because of the retrospective marriage. The guilty-party-freed theory places a premium on sin and allows greater freedom for the person who has been sexually unfaithful and disobedient than the sexually pure and obedient. If the guilty party of Matthew 19:9 is free to remarry it is difficult to determine just why Jesus spoke at all about the issue of marriage, divorce, and remarriage. Fornication is a high-handed sin and those who violate God's teachings on this subject have severe consequences to reap for the way of the transgressor is intended to be hard (Prov. 13:15).

Lastly, there is the view that the adultery of Matthew 19:9 and Matthew 5:32 is not really a sin of sexual immorality but simply a "covenant breaking" act. This view contends that if a covenant breaker vows not to do it again, he or she may remarry with God's approval. According to this view, one may leave his spouse for any number of reasons, pledge not to do it again and then remarry whomever with God's blessings. Although adultery is covenant breaking, covenant breaking is not necessarily adultery. One could hardly argue that the man who looks upon a woman to lust after her (Matt. 5:28) was simply guilty of dreaming about a formal divorce from his wife. Adultery is a sexual sin and all individuals who marry, divorce unscripturally and then remarry commit adultery in that they enter into an adulterous relationship and keep on committing adultery as long as they continue in that relationship.

Only Two Reasons for Remarriage According to the Bible
Ronald D. Gilbert

The Pharisees asked Jesus in Matthew 19:3, "Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?" Some, both then and now, would affirm that one can divorce for "every cause." There are also many today who teach that after one divorces, no matter the cause, he may marry again without further sin.

It is not the purpose of this article to deal with the reconciliation of marriages. There are many situations that occur in which husbands and wives get back together. It is not the purpose of this article to deal with the remarriage of a couple divorced for fornication. For a good study on this topic I recommend brother Kerry Duke's book, The Remarriage of a Divorced Couple.

Marriage is to be a lifelong commitment (Gen. 2:23-24). The marriage relationship was used many times in the Bible to teach great lessons. In Ephesians 5 Paul likened the relationship of husband and wife to Christ and His church. In Romans 7 Paul used the institution of marriage to show that we are no longer under the law of Moses (Rom. 7:1-4). Although marriage was not the main point of teaching under consideration in Romans 7 there are still many truths taught here concerning marriage. In Romans 7:2 Paul teaches that husbands and wives are bound together by law. Romans 7:3 also teaches that one is not an adulterer if he remarries after his mate dies.

Without Matthew 19:1-9 and Matthew 5:32 we would have death as the only reason for entering into a second marriage with another with God's approval. The exception of Matthew 19:9 gives liberty for the innocent party to put away the guilty party and marry again with God's approval. Some have tried to apply the exception of Matthew 19:9 to both the innocent and the guilty parties. If the guilty party is as free to remarry because of adultery then why would not the guilty party be as free to put away the innocent party for adultery? Think about it! Those who hold this position have a difficult time living with the consequences of their own position. This position rewards the guilty. They teach that when divorce occurs and no fornication was committed, neither party can remarry with God's approval. However, if one commits fornication then he is as free to remarry as the innocent spouse. This false position fails to take into consideration that God does not reward fornicators but holds them guilty (Rev. 21:8; Heb. 13:4). Jesus did not say the guilty party is as free to remarry as the innocent party. Nor did He say the guilty party is as free to put away his mate as the innocent party. Jesus did say, "Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery" (Matt. 19:9). Jesus then said the guilty party put away for fornication commits adultery when he marries another. Some today say, "No, not so; the fornication on the part of the guilty frees him and gives him the right to remarry with God's approval. But if no fornication occurs, no remarriage!" It appears that some would say the loving thing to do is commit fornication—then everyone can remarry with God's approval.

"Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound?" (Rom. 6:1). Evidently some think so! However, the New Testament teaches that other than marriages of reconciliation, those whose mates have died can remarry, provided they marry someone who is eligible. Also, the innocent party who puts away his mate for fonication can remarry, provided he is marrying someone who is eligible. Brethren should not be seeking to justify people for marriage who have no right to be married and calling unscriptural marriages scriptural marriages.

The Work of the Woman and Man in the Home
David Hill

"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" (Gen. 2:24). God commanded that a man and a woman through the sacred act of marriage make a home, unit, or "one flesh." This home is not to be destroyed by anyone male or female inside or outside of the marriage (Matt. 19:3-9). These verses and many more show that anything other than the union of man and woman in marriage is wrong. Jesus said, "whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart" (Matt. 5:28). Jesus clearly revealed in Matthew 19:3-9 that God's intent for marriage was one man for one woman for a lifetime.

Notice that God nowhere said that a boy and a girl should leave father and mother and cleave to each other. Why? Because marriage is for grownups! Too many times children in adult bodies get married and then trouble ensues. As the title of this article suggests, marriage is work! The husband is the "head" of the wife and responsible for the family (Eph. 5:23). Paul said by inspiration that the husband was to be "head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church." What was required of Christ as the head of the church? Well, it cost Christ His life, and if man enters marriage unwilling to give his life for his wife and his home, he needs to grow up! Jesus did "all things well" (Mark 7:37). He (Jesus) provided for his holy bride the church and husbands are required to do the same (I Tim. 5:8).

The husband is to love his wife (Eph. 5:25). The husband is to love his own wife as his own body (Eph. 5:28), and this takes a lifetime of work and dedication. The very meaning of the word love in the context means "to have a preference for, regard the welfare of" (Thayer Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament, p. 3). When a man loses his preference for his wife, his charge is to get it back! When a man loses his interest in providing for the welfare of his wife, he's to get it back! The scriptural picture is in sharp contrast to the picture seen in the world, and too many times in the church. Many times men lose interest in their marriage and quit, but that's not what is taught in the Bible. In fact, "God. . .hates divorce" (Mal. 2:16). God also charges the husband with the training of the children in service to the Lord (Eph. 6:4). It is a sad but true observation that in many homes the mother is more concerned about spirituality. Yet, God charged the father to bring the children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Oh, yes, that takes time, but if dad is to be the father that God would have him to be, he will plan his life and make time to train his children in the way of the Lord. What a sad picture it is to see a smartly dressed little boy or a pretty little girl file past their dad and out to a waiting car to go to Bible study without him. Will a neglectful dad pay for such sin? Yes, and he will pay dearly! (Mark 16:16).

The inspired apostle Paul wrote to Titus and charged the older women to teach the younger women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed (Titus 2:3-5). I know of no finer outline of the work of a godly wife and mother.

Just as the husband is to love his wife, the wife is to love her husband. The 13th chapter of I Corinthians is love defined. Evaluate the beautiful qualities of love and then evaluate yourself and your spouse. Oh, the challenge is there for everyone!

Next, think about the charge to women to love their children. Anything else is unnatural. Look at the animal world. Will an animal defend its young? Certainly! Will the animal mother see to the nurturing and food needed by its young? Sure! Will an animal stay at home with its young while they need attention? Absolutely! Who in their right mind can conceive of a mom killing her unborn child? Even animals know better than this. Women must love their children.

The work of a woman in being descreet, chaste, homemakers is the answer to societal woes. A summary of these words means a pure and holy woman who has concern and interest for her own family and influences the home she makes. Her love and interests are at home and when this is true, obedience "to their own husbands" is the natural course of action. With the advent of mass numbers of women in the public work place in our generation, advice of workplace peers had become more important than the love and respect for one's husband, resulting in tremendous destruction to homes, children and society. Sadly, the influence of the world has moved once godly women and mothers to impurity which is exactly what walking in the counsel of the ungodly will do (Ps. 1:1). If a woman will remain pure, love the Lord and her own family then she will never be found in such a terrible place as to be a blasphemer of the Word of God. The Proverb writer in the long ago said, "Who can find a virtuous wife?" (Prov. 31:10).

There has never been a time when this message could and should be more clearly seen than now. Are we teaching and living as we should in regard to the work of a man and a woman in the home? It is most important.

The History of Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage
Dan Jones

To trace the history of marriage necessitates going back to the beginning of the human race. It was God who saw that it was not good for man to be alone and He made woman as a suitable companion for man (Gen. 2:18-25). Thus, the relationship of marriage and the institution of the home began with Adam and Eve and was designed by God for man's good and happiness.

God's original plan for marriage, the one endorsed by the Lord Himself (Matt. 19:5-6), involves one man and one woman for life. Ideally, death is the only thing that should sever the bond of marriage, and when husband and wife truly love one another and are committed to one another, this will be the case. When God's plan is faithfully followed, the greatest degree of joy, happiness and contentment this world has to offer can and will be experienced.

The history of divorce and remarriage is another story. It is a tale of tears, heartache, and sorrow for the human family. It is, for the most part, a record of disrespect for and disobedience to the law of God. Divorce was not a part of God's plan in the beginning and the Bible affirms that God "hateth putting away" (Mal. 2:16). When the Pharisees questioned Jesus about divorce and the provisions made for it in the law of Moses (Matt. 19:3, 7), Jesus said "Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so" (Matt. 19:8). The only exception sanctioned by God is in the case of fornication in which the innocent party may put away the guilty party. The innocent party (only) may then remarry with God's approval (Matt. 5:32; 19:9).

The teaching of the Scripture is plain. There is absolutely no excuse for failing to understand the crystal clear dictates of Almighty God. Yet, the history of man is literally filled with efforts to bypass, side-step, thwart and circumvent the will of God. Man seeks justification for opposing divine law. He vainly searches for authority to divorce and remarry as frequently as he chooses. Numerous doctrines have been concocted to salve the wounded conscience of the guilty. A study of divorce statistics through the years shows man's ever-growing disregard for the sanctity and permanence of marriage and his intention to do as he pleases rather than as God's Word commands.

It has not been many years since records indicated that one of every three marriages ended in divorce. However, the divorce rate has escalated even further and we are told that the rate is now 50 percent. Half of all marriages end in divorce! What a tragedy! In 1975, 24 years ago, a new "milestone" was reached. In that year alone there were approximately one million divorces and one million legal separations with just slightly over two million marriages.

The statistics in this tale of woe could be greatly multiplied; these will suffice to show the depths of sin to which man has plunged. It is impossible to calculate all the grief and misery that has been and is being suffered because of man's disregard for God's marriage laws. Think of all the tragic things suffered in this life because of divorce and broken homes. But that is not the end of the story. Think of all the souls that will be eternally lost because of the error taught and practiced concerning divorce and remarriage. If only man would heed the simple yet profound words of Jesus: "What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." (Matt. 19:6).