“How are you doing?”
I really didn’t want to ask in fear that the answer would be what I thought it would be. His reply, “Not good babe.” I rise slowly in our bed and ask, “What is it?” My stomach sinks inside of me as I listen to my husband tell me he has found yet another way to look up images of immodest women on his smart phone. He is disgusted with himself. He cries and goes on to tell me how he feels he has lost the battle. I hold back the tears because you see it isn’t the first time we have been confronted with this problem. I hope and pray it’s the last, but I know it quite possibly is not going to be the last.
I feel like I’m the only one. I feel like there is no one else that understands the pain or embarrassment from this. How can he do this to me? How can he do this to our marriage? I always react bitter, hurt, and cold when he comes to me. I always feel it must be that I am not attractive enough, or I haven’t done enough as his wife to satisfy his sexual needs.
However, that’s not the reasons or motives for his actions. No, there is way more to this continual temptation. The more I wish it would just go away for him, the more I realize it’s not.
He was raised in a home where stress was handled much differently than what I had experienced in my background. He learned at an early age not to talk about problems and to hold feelings and thoughts in his head for secret. Just put the bad under the rug and don’t tell anyone. When he was stressed he would go to sexual pleasure for relief. That was just his escape, and I know there must be other men and women that have a sinful escape to stress and life problems.
I have been blessed to have two godly parents that talked and expressed their feelings to me. They welcomed me to come and talk to them whenever I faced a problem. Sure, they had stressful life challenges but in everything they faced I always remember how they prayed to God and trusted He would carry them through.
So, the question is, “How do we get through this?” The one verse that rings through my head is found in Philippians.
“Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:13-14
Even in my daily struggles, I can’t look back. I can’t give up. What I can do is press toward the goal and do the best that I can to walk in the light. I must always remember that God will carry us through if we lean on Him. He will never leave us. He will never leave my husband and nor can I. I must never beat myself up because my husband is tempted sexually. It is rooted in his past and nowhere linked to me. No temptation has overtaken him that is not common to man.
“No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13
I can support and encourage him for the best. I can show him the example my parents taught me and roll with the punches of life. Everyone has stress in one way or another. Life isn’t perfect. That is why we fight and run this race to get to our heavenly perfect home someday.
“Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us” Hebrews 12:1
I hope this helps any young lady dealing with this same hurt and problem. I’m with you sister. Stand by your man. Let’s pray and do the best we can to help them.